It’s been a while since I’ve shared much of my personal journey. This has been for a few reasons- the absolute largest one being my loss of time, I honestly swear, is a huge part of chronic pain. Time seems to work differently for me (and others I’ve met too). As we often have very long sleepless nights, some days full of naps, it’s like a whirlwind to try to keep up with day to day life. I have trouble just getting to my 2-3 very important medical/therapy appointments.
Another reason for my silences, I had/have kinda withdrawn into myself in trying to cope with another “hoop” my disability insurance has thrown my way. It has literally sucked all of my energy and has sent me on a tail spin mentally and emotionally- which causes the physical to escalate also.
Over all I think I am just so exhausted explaining myself, and trying to describe and remember every little detail so I can once again be judged and “rehabilitated” by people who mostly have never ever had or know what chronic pain is like to live with. You begin to question whether it matters how much you truly are suffering.
Which brings me to my situation today. I spend as much time and energy that I can on getting myself into the swimming pool, as it helps extend my body and spine naturally and I can have a safe workout with the support of the water. I was soo tired today after a rough night of extreme pain, so I had intended to allow myself time to just float too, as it helps. Upon leaving as I went to then bench to get my towel, a older man looks at me and says ” you have got to quit smoking”. I was dumbfounded and really could not initially figure out what on earth he was talking about. When I was in the shower and my hand ran over one of my pain patches I realized that he assumed that my two patches for pain- were for nicotine to stop smoking. I have to admit I am tired of people’s comments and questions- they are rarely kind or even considerate, what happened to respect and kindness?
Remember that everyone has their own battles and demons- be kind in crossing paths.
Love and be loved my friends.. xxoo