i want to start with a warning, as I am not completely sure of the direction this entry may take, but I am fairly certain that it is going to start out as a rant. No relationship is perfect, and if it feels truly completely without flaw perfect, my friend you are being deceived, that or we really need to shift our views on relationships, love, friends, family, coworkers…because true relationships are messy, and they take work and healing and the reminder of why we stand before, beside or together in the first place. My rant is actually rooted in my frustration of a dear friend of long ago. Our lives were brought together, the ripped apart at a young age over love, it really doesn’t matter what the story is there, but where we are now. We are, no where, and I keep trying to shove us out of this deep rut we have been stuck in for what feels like forever, but I can’t. You see I have one of two choices, I can sit down in this rut with her and try to work together, or I can climb out and carry on alone, which is what I have done the past two times.. But something has always brought me back, to her and the rut, it breaks my heart to see her stuck there still, but she has made the choice to stay there and do nothing, and wait for it to just work.
Now I am not certain yet my role in her life, if there is on still..but I do know that she expects a lot from others, and has been let down greatly. Because experience has shown me, putting expectations on others rarely gets you what you want, especially in love. This is where my mind body and soul all scream so loud that I couldn’t bare it anymore, so please bare with me. This ties in nicely to an article I recently read about how we expect (especially women, sorry ladies) that by getting married we are going to live happily ever after. Well, I’m sorry but someone has to be honest, and not just in my marriage, but I’m standing here, holding my cup of tea, honestly stating that my marriage has been and will continue being a work in progress. Do we love one another absolutely, do we accept one another, completely, but that right there makes each and every thing, a little easier, and a lot harder, confused yet?
The people closest to us are the most likely to: let us down, hurt us, take out frustrations at us, lie, drift apart.. the examples are endless. Marriage/commitment is not easy, it’s not perfect, and when it is true, you both fight for that love your share, through the hardest days, the darkest nights and even when you feel like you don’t have anything left. You do this because it matters, the connection matters, the absolute acceptance, complete understanding and even your friendship. I can attest that my relationship/marriage has weathered many storms, some I am still not sure how we recovered, healed and continued forward. Now I’m not talking about little things like clothing being put in the laundry basket or dishes in the sink. I’m talking about learning how to communicate with an opposite personality, and the extra effort involved to keep our understanding clear, learning how to love our own and each other’s faults, yep it’s true, we are not perfect. We learned how to work through hurt and damage to our trust, learning that sometimes a bit of space and compassion is needed to, and you can’t always fix it, but you can work through and past it. It is so much more like team work. We are a team, we vowed to be apart of it and so far (and hopefully ongoing) we continue to try to work as such, even when it’s hard, even when it hurts.
There are no perfect relationships, but there are magical ones. I am blessed with a handful of these and I cherish every moment of the good, the bad, the hurt, the tears, the joy, and most of all, the love. It can’t work if you are not committed, to everything, and it won’t work of you are not working at it together. Which brings me to the answer once again on my friend, while I love her, and want to help her and for her to have the best in life, I can’t pull her out of a rut she isn’t willing to climb out of. Until she learns what is needed, no one can pull her out.
Love is the root, in everything. Think about it, if you are hurting, scared, confused, lost, mad, angry- love brings us back. It takes work, but true love is not like in a fairy tale. It takes work, always returning as a team back to love, love and be love my friends.
It’s worth the work.
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