Recoil~ how to get unstuck ~ by Dogdancing (a companion by chance welcomed greatly on my life’s journey)

A few years back, when I was stuck in life so to speak, I emailed a companion, a dear friend who I knew was full of wisdom and understanding.  I knew this because it was she who returned my light to me when I had sat down ready to give up, on everything.  

She walked into my darknessand handed me my lantern, and after all these years later this symbol of life, light, love; it holds for me, and I believe her also power and a great reminder that we can ask for help, but even greater, that there are people who will find us when we are wandering or even hiding in the deep darkness of the forest.  Much gratitude and light to my fellow path wanders and greatly my lantern lighting pal, Dogdancing.

 

IMG_00000032

 
 
Recoil
 
*SCRITCH*
 
In a curt motion I drag the match across the stricker. It does not light.
 
*heavy sigh*
 
no magic words here today my friend. I am unable to conjure up the magical world of words to dance at my beck an call. My lanturn remains dark.
 
In the darkness I reach for your hand. We will have to do this the old fashion way. I squeeze tightly. Ready?.
 
I feel you draw back, nestling into the familiar darkness and hidden fear.
 
The suction of the mind, soul numbing muck adds its resistance to the equasion.
 
I lean back until the tension is vibrating between us. Then I leap backwards over your head and catapult us both over the edge of the nest.
 
We land with a thud on the ground.
 
You don’t say anything but your eyes are angry…’why have you taken me backwards?’ they ask.
 
Sometimes to go forward one must get a little momentum
 
I help you to your feet and we trudge on forward hand in hand. “You know what my friend? can I tell you a secret?”
 
Since you know I’m  going to tell you anyways, you don’t interupt me with a response.
 
“I am 45 years old and I am still not sold on this life. I reserve the right to hold out to the very end. I will give you my review of life when I’m about to loose it.”
 
For years I lived in a perfect paridise and was too blind to see it.
 
I was always holding out for …..for what I don’t know.
 
Something so crazily nuts that it blew my socks off? Light sirens? cymble crashes? the world to stop spinning?
 
it has never come.
 
yet my soul is lite with the most brillent light.
 
In sixth grade our class went on an overnight camp out. I knew my friend still struggled with bed wetting.
 
I awoke to her teeth chattering in the dark of the night. Her sleeping bag soaked. I woke her and unzipped by bag and we wrapped up the best we could in it.
 
She fell alseep on my shoulder, her secret safe with me.
 
I’ve been thinking about that night a lot lately. Wondering what gave me the strength to give, when at that time in my life everything was being taken from me.
 
When I was injured, in my twenties, in a horse riding accident, my four year old neice gave me a small heart pillow and said “I gave it 1000 kisses for you, and 1000 hugs too”
 
that little cherab was in the middle of a nasty divorce and often times questionable parenting.
 
I was floored. 
 
how did she have the strength to give, when so much was being taken from her little life? 
                                                             
I expect a LOT from life, it has a lot to atone for! A lot to mend.
 
I AM BLAZINGLY ANGRY that I have to work for every blasted smile and scrap of happiness in my life.
 
EVERY SCRAP
 
I feel like everything tarnishes in my hands….that my internal darkness is too great to ever allow me to be happy and at peace.
 
yet here I am happy and at peace.
 
“wait…what?” You interject as I toss that rubic cube at you. “stop tossing contradictroy gobble gook at me!”
 
*SCRITCH*
 
In a curt motion I drag the match across the stricker. Its tiny flame reveils my blue eyes.
 
Some of us drag around a weight behind us. It anchors us and holds us back. 
Its protects us from leaping ahead and cartwheeling through life.
 
It stops us from wishing, dreaming, hoping and accepting the glorious mysteries of this journey we are all on.
 
It adds a sense of heavy caution, makes us afraid to take chances and try stuff.
 
Just before the match goes out I light my lanturn.
 
it greats you with its warm familair light.
 
I wratchet back the giant wooden lever next to us.
 
You tense and remind me your wings are broken and tangled and bent. Then you ask where we are going.
 
We are going no where. I say. I want to show you how I move forwards when I am stuck.
 
“PULL” I say in my fake British accent.
 
The lever releases with a jerking powerful motion.
 
My lanturn goes zipping off into the darkness in a giant arc.
 
*SCRITCH*
 
In a curt motion I drag the match across the stricker. In the dim light you look at me puzzledly.
 
My lanturn light isn’t something that I carry with me.
 
Sometimes I am struggling in the dark and tripping over stuff. Sometimes I have the lanturn to light the way.
 
Sometimes I close my eyes and just say (delete) IT and just jump.
 
Sometimes the path is smooth and well lite.
 
We are all baby birds tossed from the nest.
 
just keep trudging along. 
 
and know in your heart that weight that follows you around like an anchor, you know the one, that one that feels like all of lifes burdons. 
 
Yeah that one….You get to choose if its your wings…or an undeployed parachute.
 
I enjoy emensily sharing this lifes journey with you my friend . Watching it unfold and cheering for you on the sidelines. 
 
Catching glimpes of your lanturn light and how you choose to shine.
 
For years I lived in a perfect paridise and was too blind to see it.
 
I was always holding out for …..for what I don’t know.
 
Something so crazily nuts that it blew my socks off? Light sirens? cymble crashes? the world to stop spinning?
 
don’t need that any longer. My heart is content with the love of a wonderful man and the quiet gently smiles life slides in to make my heart sing.
 
I wratchet back the giant wooden lever next to us.
 
My parting words are barely audible over the lever recoil that sends me sailing out head over heals into life.
 
peace be the journey….
Advertisements

About ~Soul Prancing~

About me... or well us.. There is actually a few of us prancing in here, reminding each other there are options, there is grace, compassion, understanding and love in everything. This is a spot to pour out our souls as they prance along in this world, looking for the good, the light, while stepping out, over or around those dark difficult moments. We took a few days to settle on the right name, we had a hard time finding a name that captured beauty, gentleness and just an amazing space and joy of this painful, beautiful and wonderful process. We cannot do this alone, we are not meant to. Please feel free to join the journey of our souls prancing..take a walk with my soul... (almost all pictures are borrowed from other sources, they are not owned by us)
This entry was posted in compassion, grief, healing, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Share your perspective

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s