Welcome to the inner workings of my cloudy mind. I cross my fingers that I make some sense. My beautiful niece just started grade two, and all through grade one she was already in the middle of the mean girls, you know the ones who like you one day and humiliate you the next? You know the funny thing about it is, even as women we still endure this, through office politics and day to day life. I personally think that it is sad. What do you gain by ganging up on someone? What do you get from humiliating someone else? It can’t feel good, how can it?
So of course this leads me back to junior high, when we had to work in groups of four, and in doing so we had to sit in a cube with our desks facing one another. I remember this particular group because of what occurred. I don’t even remember the project or what caused this incident to occur, but there were two girls and two boys, I generally did not have a problem with other kids, I think it was because I kept to myself and tried to be kind to everyone. But this day I just sat there while two of my school mates tore at the boy beside me, I can’t even remember what they said but I felt the pain, torment of being picked at and watched as they picked apart this boy, each word cutting deeper, and all I did was sit there, doing nothing. I keep thinking, why didn’t I walk away, I know I could not have defended him, I was frozen in fear, what if they switched to me?
Being in school, all of it was so difficult, when to speak up, walk away, what makes the pain of the torment stop, why do we become so mean, picking apart one another. How did we manage to learn our school lessons when our hearts were broken, or we just got bullied in the hall? In high school our emotions and minds seem almost out of control, chaos and we were supposed to learn. I remember more of how we behaved and the emotions that we endured so much more than any lesson taught.
Do these regrets help define me? Would I bear witness to such an event now? Or would I do something different? I keep insisting on being myself, but who am I? How do I know if I am being me? Or just doing what is expected? What is my path? What is your path? What becomes of us, do the bullies from high school or kindergarten become office bullies? Do the most picked on or ignored remain in the same roles?
What have you become? Are you growing and exploring? What is your path?
Embrace the journey..