I’m sitting here in the dark, I can’t sleep for many many reasons. I have opened and closed this little window probably fifteen times, I started typing and pouring out thoughts and emotions and ranting, but not a single bit of it made any sense. Sometimes I think that our hearts and hurts and memories are not meant to make sense. I think they are just meant to be, to be felt, to be heard and endured, to push onwards and upwards to a spot where we can be okay, this is not always or even ever something that can be categorized or allotted into a time frame or period. This emotion X takes 32 minutes and exactly 4 seconds to walk through, no it is not like that, it is never going to be and even greater never should be. We are all different, we have our own ways to stumble fumble trip slip fall and sometimes plain ole give up, or take a break. Why? Because this is life, this is the trip, the path, the journey, the experience, and sometimes, some parts suck. Things happen, crap happens, we don’t plan for it and we sure as heck don’t really want it, but I believe, (even if I can’t see it right now), that it does happen for a reason, be it for us to learn and grow, build character, or even the path our souls choose before we were reborn, either choice and we are still in the same situation, we still are put on pathways we don’t like, didn’t choose and we have to pick ourselves up and do our best to learn and walk through. I think often to a dear person who touched my soul, my heart so many times in so many ways, she would say to me, “everything in life is temporary, when it is good, it is good, but when it is bad it is bad too,this to shall pass, try and enjoy the time you have.”
She is so wise and I know it is right, but for right now, right this moment I am feeling weak, fragile and like I am stumbling and tripping so much that it is easier to just stop and sit down, even if it is in a puddle, because sometimes we need to pout, to the reflect, to ache, to miss, to cry,to stomp our feet. We need to empty out some of all we are containing, trying to control maybe even hide away and ignore.
So for right now, I am stopping, and siting in a puddle. I will allow myself to miss, to be sad and torn, to not understand, and to sort out my thoughts, my heart and soul. To endure learn and hopefully grow.
Remember to look out for you, and be kind, love and be loved