Gosh it’s been a while… Too long to be honest- not because I did not have things to share or say, but more likely I didn’t take the time to do so.
I will try to be better. I miss writing from my soul and sharing…
Like with my experience today.
I attended a funeral, now usually I get overwhelmed and often even annoyed by the words from the priest/pastor/clergy person- mostly because their messages are usually in the form of “turn to God” which is fine and dandy, and I am glad if that provides some people comfort. But honestly, it’s not enough for me, and that’s not saying I don’t believe in a higher power or the power of prayer, its just, like most things in my life, I want and need more.
I was grateful today when the priest/pastor/clergy person; focused in on the message of simply being in the dark with one another, to listening, bearing witness to the rawness, the vulnerability we ALL feel and not to back away from emotion. To let the grief out and truly mourn; emotions are ok.
Now society says this in many messages we hear, but it’s not really okay; we are taught to shove anything really authentic or true down or aside, and remain “fine” or “good”. We try to package up and shutdown any tears/visible emotions instantly- it’s not okay- and the message that we get from this is that our truth, our pain, our sorrow, our vulnerability, our story, or not being ok, isn’t welcome -it’s not comfortable for anyone, and we should hide it.
We have all been in a situation where we just really needed someone to hear or sit with us, during emotion or pain or just being lost with us in the vastness of this world- I am sure more times then not, the person we have been with, try’s to fix us, or the situation and stop you from crying or being in the depths of that emotion.
Why? Because it makes them uncomfortable and who likes to be uncomfortable? Who likes to not know the answers or what to do? Instead we say “aw cheer up”, “its ok”, or “it’ll be ok”.
This was not the message of today. The message I received today, is actually one I have been telling my closer friends for a long time:
You are welcome here, as you are, as you feel, always. Without expectations, without judgments.
Can you imagine if we could show up like this for people every day? Show up exactly as we are accepting of others exactly as they are? When asked “how are you?” and you respond with “I’m really heartbroken” instead of the “fine” or “ok” and the other person just lets you be this?
Wow! – I can’t even begin to imagine how this would help our mental health and growth of general compassion for one another. Maybe even heal a lot of what is truly broken in the world, in our beings.
The message we left with today and the message I want to leave with you is:
Be uncomfortable, be messy, be full of sorrow, be broken, be lost- truly sit with it. Don’t try to stop the sorrow, the loss, don’t fix or stop others or yourself from emotion- let it come out – be present, even in the darkness, even when its uncomfortable, even when its messy and even without having all the answers or solutions.
It’s not our job to fix anyone; but it is our job to bear witness, to be real, to be authentic, and to sit in the darkness with one another. We aren’t meant to endure this life all on our own.
We need the support and love of those around us, our friends, family, and community.
We are truly all in this together, can’t we be real and authentic while we are here too?
Be real my friends..
Love and be loved